im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
