I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
