And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
