NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
