I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
