My boss' voice literally gives me gas
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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