Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
