you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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