you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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