hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
