remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
