Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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