this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
