The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
birth control should be required to get into college
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
