I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
