She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
