I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
