Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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