I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
