dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
