Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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