Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
