Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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