i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
