Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
