You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
