C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
