people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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