He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
