so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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