I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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