I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
