i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
