I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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