david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drake has all the answers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
