we have officially lost it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
