Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
