Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
