If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
