I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
our cab driver is having phone sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
