Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
