C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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