Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
