So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am naked and annoyed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
