1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
