I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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