why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
