sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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