Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
