I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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